When a teenager goes quiet

Quiet can feel like rejection. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn't. We cannot know without the other person telling us. Young people go quiet for all sorts of ordinary reasons. They may not have worked out what they think yet. They may be tired of being asked. They may be protecting you from something they think would upset you.

The instinct can be to fill the silence with questions. Several questions in a row can start to feel like an interview, while one question left alone may feel more like an invitation. You might try something small and answerable, like how was the walk in, rather than something total, like what is wrong with you at the moment.

Noticing out loud can sometimes help more than asking. You seemed flat when you got in. I noticed you have been up late. An observation asks nothing of the other person, and leaves the door open if they want to step through it.

It may be worth wondering when they are most likely to talk. For a lot of families it is not the planned conversation but half past ten at night in the kitchen, when nobody is looking at anybody.

And it can help to let them know the door is open. I am not going to keep asking, but I am here whenever you want me. Then it may be worth noticing what happens in you while you wait, because waiting for someone you love to come closer can be hard.